------- waddafak: A Time Reflected (Parte Três)

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

A Time Reflected (Parte Três)

Nanny was a gem. The smell of her talcum baby powder and loud laugh made me feel safe. Fiercely independent she lived alone for most of her life save for the occasion where family needed a roof over their heads in hard times. Her face mashing to the bosom hugs left me with a buzz. It felt good to be showed just how much your Nanny loved you.

But there was always those gaps in our lives, for years at times when we got to be together. I was 7 when she insisted that I spent the summer holidays with her. Her ticket in hand I traveled by aeroplane alone. The sight of her beaming face was the most wonderful thing to see after crossing oceans. I was never fussed over so much, stuffed with so much food and given the freedom to express myself. I was happy. These visits repeated itself a very few precious times only.

As an adult the opportunity got blinded with my worldly distractions and responsibilities but Nanny was always in mind. There would be a birthday card from her every year. I realized her mind was failing when there were still a $10.00 note in those cards for pocket money. It got worse in her later years when speaking to her over the telephone she would ask how school was and if I was going to come and spend my school summer holidays with her. I played along. I loved my Nanny and refused the fact that she was getting senile.

Mum called one very late evening telling me that Nanny was in the hospital after suffering a fall. There was this strange stir in my heart. Nagging me for the rest of the night, the airport found me looking for a flight before it even got light. I desperately wanted to see her. Checking my voicemail during my stopover to the connecting flight I got an urgent message. Nanny had taken a turn for the worse and was asking for me. I called home to say I was already on my way.

As I stood by Nanny holding her cold, limp wrinkled hand she opened her eyes, her face lighting up despite the grogginess. We chatted what little we could, the conversation strangely familiar to when I was 16. I fought back tears when she told me she missed me terribly making me promise to spend the next summer school holidays with her. I told her yes but struggled to accept the fact she saw her grandson was still the little boy she knew.

She was gone a little while later. The fall breaking her hip had let to complications of blood clots reaching her brain causing a stroke. More details I am not the least to remember on because it was a blur. I knew only one thing, my Nanny was gone. Thinking back I now realize that she had always dwelled on to the happy times she spent with her grandson and that just perhaps those were her happiest times with each other that despite falling so senile those memories were locked in her mind. Today I think to myself if there will be someone to respect, love and miss me remotely as much?

To Be Continued…


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